A while back, our church participated in a small group study called "Not A Fan." Now, if I am being honest, I was not overly excited about doing this study. Mostly because I'd seen a lot of posts about it on facebook, and I felt like it was becoming a "trendy" something. I didn't want to do it just because everyone else was.
But here's the thing, sometimes (well, ALL the time) God knows exactly what we need, even if we think we don't want it.
Not A Fan rocked my world. Literally. God changed me through that study. He started on the inside and the change probably wasn't noticeable to the public eye then. It still may not be, truthfully. Because the work was inside my heart.
I was touched through watching the videos that accompanied the study-a study of a man's life. A man who almost lost his life, and when he didn't, decided to finally start LIVING for Jesus. He didn't want to be a fan, he wanted to be a fully abandoned, nothing holding him back, living and breathing follower of Jesus Christ. That's exactly what he did. And then one day suddenly, he died of a heart attack. The first few weeks of the study, I had myself convinced that I was in fact, a follower of Jesus Christ. However, as the study went on I began to realize that though I was a follower of Christ by definition, I also had so many tendencies to be just a fan.
Each week we watched a video from the perspective of a person in his life-someone he was close to, a family member, a best friend, a co-worker. The clips were flash backs from when he was still alive and the impact the his life changes and choices had on those around him. Many thought he was crazy, many found him irritating, others supported him but had minimal follow through in his own life. His wife said to him in one clip "everything in moderation..." referring to his new founded passion to serve and follow Jesus. That stung me like a wasp on the lip. Ouch. How often do I live my Christian life in moderation? I don't want to be pushy, I don't want to offend, I don't want to be made fun of, I want to fit in. Moderation. Everything in moderation is not following Christ.
God calls people to follow him and serve him in different ways. I have many callings in my life that I know I am living out to the fullest-being a wife, being a mother, serving in church, being a teacher to His children in the public school system. But if I am being real with myself, that's about all I was doing. Following Him here, cheering for Him there. A fan. Not a follower.
I began to pray and ask Him to show me how to be a follower, to be the hands and feet of Jesus in my small world. Not a fan who went through the motions of "church." I prayed legalism out of my life. And he began to whisper to my heart-love my people. I DO love my people, Lord. No, love MY people. Oh...YOUR people. I get it. Ok. So, loving His people means more than just loving my people. And being a Christian means so much more than the labels we put on it. For far too long I had lived my Christian life making the rules more important than the relationship and the acts. God is a God of mercy and compassion. A God of love. A God of second chances. A God who some find ridiculously laughable because they can't understand the relationship He offers. He is a God who calls me to show to others, the same love He has shown to me. That's the God who saved me. The One I desire to serve with wreckless abandon.
Next I began to think about the legacy I want to leave behind. Do I want people to remember me as someone who was so caught up in my own family and my own life that they can't recall a single way I helped them, touched their life, went out of my way to do something for someone else. Who followed all the rules of Christianity and didn't do the things I wasn't "supposed" to do? Who simply went through the motions? No. I don't. I do want to be remembered as someone who loved my family with a godly passion, because I know I have that down. I do want to live a life of integrity. But, God wants more from me. He wants me to love His people passionately too.
A few months ago, I began asking God to provide ways for me to help others. Helping others has been a desire of mine and Cliff's for a long time now. People have helped us so much in various ways-monetary, with stuff, with children, with advice. We want to give back. But, in our real world, the finances are very limited. Sometimes we can hardly feed ourselves. Ok, maybe that's not true...but it's not far from true! :) But we were looking at it all wrong. Helping others doesn't always mean exhausting financial resources. Just ask God if you don't believe me. He will show you.
I prayed daily for about a week or two for God to open up opportunities for me to help others. And I could not believe the things that happened during that time. (I'm still praying this, just not daily) God made me so aware of those around me-small needs, larger needs, spoken needs and unspoken needs. He made me an organizer of support for someone in need, someone I am not even close to. He made our money STRETCH when it should have far run out so that I had just enough to cover an expense for someone else, He provided this opportunity and He provided that opportunity. He gave me opportunities to show my children what it means to help those who have nothing-to show my children what it means to be a follower of Jesus. You know, we think we do good because we have for several years now established a nightly bible study and prayer time with Walker. And, that is good. But, instilling in both of our children a love for other people and a passion to serve is equally as important. I don't want them to grown up being just another Christian that someone thinks is a hypocrit because they have minimal follow through-and I certainly don't want them to learn the habit from us. I am not going to share any more about the opportunities that came up, because I want to remain humble in the circumstances. I want God to receive the glory and in no way toot my own horn for doing nice things.
I share to show that with God, all things are possible. I am blown away at the ways He provided for us to help those around us. I am in awe of how good it feels to give, to help, to have less so that we can give more. I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I want to be about his business. About sharing, loving, caring, growing, planting, encouraging, and giving. Lord keep me humble, so that I always recognize how much I need you-and may I never be ashamed to be a follower.
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. And the second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than this." Mark 12:30-31
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