There's (really, really) Good...then there's (really, really) Ugly

It's been a while since I've done an update on Walker Cole.  My aunt affectionately referred to him as Walker Talker recently and I LOVED IT.  Perfect name for him!  Walker is definitely a talker.  He talks our heads off 90% of the time.  Some how he manages to talk our heads off even while sucking his thumb, which also seems to be about 90% of the time.  (we keep talking about working on this.  one day.)

Walker is into Ninjas and playing anything that involves someone falling to their ultimate demise.  He seems to have a natural attraction to the battle between good and evil.  He's forever begging me to be the bad guy, so that he can fight a battle and win.  You know, the good guys always win.  Sonic the Hedgehog, the one we all played on SEGA as kids, is also a big hit in his life right now.  Who knows how he even got started on that one, since it's a 90's video game for the most part.  But, he loves to pretend he's Sonic.  He refers to Cliff as "Tails" a good bit of the time, especially when we are just having casual conversation.  Cliff walks in from work..."so, Tails how was your day?  Did your students mind you?" to which Cliff responds something like "Hey Sonic, It was great.  How was your day?"

Walker likes to do "man" things as he refers to them.  Fishing being one.  He's been begging Cliff for months to take him fishing for the day.  Cliff promised that as soon as the weather warmed they would.  So, off they went this weekend.  They fished from around 2:30 until around 7 with Cliff's dad.  Three generations of Roberts, and Walker called it "the best day ever..."  Cliff said it was "the perfect day..."  For both, I think ultimately a dream fulfilled.  Cliff doesn't have a bucket list, but if he did, this day would have been at the top.

Walker is also playing (well, at this point practicing) wee  ball.  Their opening day is Easter weekend Saturday.  We are REALLY enjoying this so far.  Cliff and our friend Thomas are coaching together.  They might have bitten off more than they can chew.  :)  Nevertheless, it's quite fun.  I am so glad Walker is playing with his close friends Luke and Ryan.  Those boys together are a mess!  

 Walker doesn't seem to enjoy the outside as much right now as he has in the past.  I think video games, iPhones and TV have become too important a part of his life and we are MAJORLY cutting back on those things.  We go outside every afternoon to play, and his favorite thing to do is get on our (now yellow) trampoline.  The three of us (Walker, Will and I) get on together and have a blast.  We play "racing cars" and we do "tricks..."  Sometimes we sit on each other.  Okay, we don't really.  But one time it happened.  

Walker is a HUGE help around the house.  If there is a night I am not here because of the occasional event at school, girls' night or whatever, the two of them usually make sure I come home to a "ready for tomorrow" house.  One night recently I came home to Walker mopping.  He even mopped the fridge.  Eh...

Of course, that might have been because he'd colored on it!  Which I am pretty sure we dealt with and mastered at age 2...BUT...

He is beginning to show more of an interest in writing.  He's been able to write his name for some time, and even a lot of other letters.  But, lately he is wanting us to write words for him to copy.  He likes to write the name of our street and people's names that he loves.  He really enjoys learning his verses for Awana each week, and the child can memorize like nobody's business.  He has always been that way, and yet it still amazes me.  I think because I am so totally opposite.  I have to hear it and hear it and hear it, see it and do it and then see it and do it again before something sticks with me.  :)

Walker's zest for life is contagious and I am so proud of the young man he is becoming.  He is an incredible big brother, and genuinely cares about people so much.  That's one of the traits he got from his Dad...one of my favorite things about them both.  

And then there's the ugly.  Isn't there ugly in us all?  I am reminded of that through life's circumstances so often.  And then I am reminded of God's mercy and grace.  I am learning to be so thankful for the hard times because they develop in me a hunger and thirst for the things of God and for a closer walk with God...and sometimes even a hunger and thirst for my child to know just how much God loves him.  Well, sometimes is putting it lightly.  

I am going to warn you.  This isn't a picture most moms would put on their blog, or much less show anyone.  But this is just who I am.  I don't see any reason to hide the reality.  Our actions don't define us, and this instance doesn't define Walker.  It is what it is.  I texted it to a few "privileged" ones yesterday and really appreciated and enjoyed the feedback I got from those people.  But, what I benefited from most was the time I spent in prayer for our sweet Walker this afternoon while he and Will took their (very highly unusual) late afternoon naps.  

Apparently today with Judy, Walker got so incredibly upset about something that he did this.  The TV you see on the floor normally sits on the wicker drawer set you see picture.  The wicker drawer set also usually has it's drawers in tact.  Walker, in an effort to blow off some steam, apparently went ripping the drawers out and shook the already wobbly wicker drawer set.  The TV wiggled and in an effort that I can only assume was intended to gain more attention, Walker helped it hit the floor.  

When I came in, Walker and Will were both asleep, and Judy told me about this situation.  Judy and Walker are VERY close, and he's acted out a lot with her this year since Will's been in the picture.  He's had Judy to himself for 3 solid school years now, so I can understand this.  But I won't tolerate it.  

While he slept I sat beside him.  My mind envisioned him in a padded classroom at school, teachers whispering in the hallway about "that" kid...and then I stopped myself.  Or maybe God stopped me. I remembered the "real" Walker, and saw past the misunderstood Walker. And I remembered God's faithfulness. I remembered how God has proven Himself faithful to us in all other situations in life that we have faced.  I remembered that we have no reason to not trust that He will also prove Himself faithful in the rearing of our children.  So, I began to pray.  I prayed for my sweet child, over his life and heart,  to desire to do good and act right and that he would know how to handle his emotions, or at least share them with us.  Walker wants to do good.  And most of the time, he does.  I can see the pride in his little eyes when he knows he has made a good choice.  When he knows that he's faced the battle between good and evil, and that good won.  Because good always wins.

And I couldn't help but wonder, is this really all that different than how I act sometimes?   No, I don't rip out wicker drawers, and I don't help TVs fall to the ground.  But I do fall apart inside sometimes.  I do let minor circumstances get me all riled up.  I do give into the temptation to say destructive things to others or to myself.  I do make choices that cause huge amounts of remorse and guilt in my life.  Things I am forgiven for, but still have to face earthly consequences for.  Just because I am developmentally past the stage of doing something such as this, there are things in my life that happen that are just too much for me to deal with. I hope and pray that in those times my child will see where I turn-to the One true Healer.  The One true Deliver. The one who redeems us from all our wrong doings.  The One who reminds me that no matter what we do, no matter how far we run from Him, or how much we hurt Him he still loves us.

So, yes, Walker is serving (and has received) several earthly consequences for his actions.  But today, in the battle of good and evil, good won.  Because good always wins.  Rather than get down on my child and myself as a mom, I lifted him up to the One who will give him a hunger and thirst for righteousness and who WILL FILL him.  I was able to respond to my child in love, but stern discipline. I was able to use this opportunity to share with him how magnificent God's love is for him, and how much his dad and I love him.  I was able to show him in a real life example of how sometimes we just blow it, but that grace flows freely.

I am reminded of song lyrics by Laura Story "What if our greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?  What if trials of this life, are our blessings in disguise..."

What a blessing to teach a child in the way he should go.  I thank God for the discernment He gives to me and the mercy He so freely bestows on all of His children.